Gawker vs. 4chan: Battle of the Bandwidths

Ladies, gentlemen, and nerds, ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE???

In this corner, weighing in at three hundred million dollars, the powerhouse for all your news needs, it’s GAWKER DOT COM!!!

And in the other corner, sporting tattoos of Rick Astley and the Pedobear, the hub of all crazies, it’s 4CHAN!!!

The rules are simple! You can only attack if provoked! So to start this thing off, let’s RELEASE THE SLAUGHTER!!!

An 11-year old girl calling herself Jessi Slaughter had an emotional breakdown on YouTube late last week. Nothing new, right? This story has generated a lot of buzz because although everyone can agree that the whole situation sucks, no one is exactly sure who is to blame.

Her original uploads, which featured her declaring how she was better/prettier/more popular than everyone on the internet, have been taken down, but the internet is keeping them alive.

Okay, the bait is set up. An 11-year-old girl bragging about herself on the internet. Who wants to get the ball rolling?

Trolls from prank-loving 4chan, the Tumblr blog network and elsewhere allegedly sent pizza deliveries and considered sending call girls to her house and bombarded her social network profiles with hateful comments.

And 4chan starts off by harassing the little girl! Good strategy! Gawker, are you going to take that lying down?

Don’t pick on 11 year-old girls. Seriously. No matter how dumb they seem—no matter how much they might seem to deserve it—they are, at the end of the day, 11 year-old girls. You wouldn’t make an 11 year-old girl cry in real life; why do it on the Internet?

And Gawker takes the moral high ground! That’s making 4chan pretty angry! Wait, what’s this? 4chan is unleashing an army on Gawker? That’s against the rules! What the hell is going on here?

The denizens of internet troll hive launched an attack on Gawker Media’s servers at noon Eastern today, apparently unhappy we wrote about how they coordinated the harassment of an 11-year-old girl. We survived the onslaught, but 4chan isn’t done.

“We need to silence them,” wrote a user of 4chan’s notorious /b/ message board about an hour and a half before the attack, “unless they remove ALL articles mentioning 4chan.”

OMG! 4chan is trying to take down Gawker! While questionable, their actions do comply with the rules of web wrestling. Will they pull it off?

Things didn’t quite workout as planned; our tech team noticed some major issues around noon, and the site did seem to slow, but as of yet hasn’t crashed.

Oh, what an epic fail for 4chan! This looks tough! What will 4chan try next?

Now 4chaners have shifted gears and launched a harass attack against our man Adrian Chen, who has been carefully documenting how 4chaners helped send an 11 year old into police protection and a safe house. They’re posting Chen’s personal information, including addresses, phone numbers, social networking accounts, etc. as part of a and have already started spamming his email account.

Aha! So to get back at Gawker for berating them over harassment, 4chan appears to be resorting to… harassment! What will Gawker do?

Harassment and hack attacks: What a very effective way for the script kiddies hanging around /b/ today to prove they are not “summerfags,” as senior 4chan members call them, but effective and persuasive humans who will inevitably win critics and the rest of the world over to their side. Dorks. We’re demoting you to 3chan for the rest of the summer.

Oh, snap! Gawker dragged out the dreaded bad pun!!! This is getting a little too personal, folks! This isn’t going to end well! We’ll keep following this story until 4chan realizes we’re talking about them too and then take down the Tech tAUk blog!


Oh, no! They’ve left their calling card! Help! Help! We’re going down, we’re going drtxyz%#@œƒ˙ƒ∑…